1st Christmas and Then There’s 2018

Merry Christmas y’all! It took me sometime to get my thoughts right to write this blog, because this is my first Christmas without my mom. I got up on Christmas and I wanted to call my mom and say “Merry Christmas momma”  and as I go for my phone her picture and dark blue urn are staring me in the face. It’s like a WHAM I can’t call her anymore. No more 10 page text messages. No more hearing her say “I love you babygirl.” No more hearing her call me babygirl…

The only difference between Christmas of 2016 is that Rob fought with my momma. They both said dreadful words to each other and this Christmas was no different except this year except my momma was not here and the harshness was done from their side only, but that is an everyday occurance when they get together.

Now 2018, is thundering in and everyone is saying speak your life into existence. Funny thing is I have been doing that for years and I am still struggling in quicksand.  Spending 5 days in the hospital and not really knowing if I would be home before Christmas or not made me think about my life.

Growing up I would dream of traveling the world. Experiencing life through the eyes and taste buds other people, cultures, places, etc. Paris is the place that dreamed of most because it is so beautiful and romantic. Paris is full of rich history, style, fashion, iconic legends live there and were forced to run to Europe due to racist times in this country.  As I grew up I wanted to go to London to just eat fish and fries LOL. In London I just wanted to be a tourist and take in the sites and sounds. Then there is Asia…I want to visit every place in Asia from Tokyo to Malaysia. Possibly live in Asia (mainly Seoul) and visit Busan beaches and eateries. Then head to the land down under Australia and play with a few kangaroos, go to the opera, beaches, visit a few pubs and shops. Zip over to Germany backpack to Zurich and everywhere in between just to try the food, perhaps visit the places that not on the tourist map (if you know what I mean).

Where did that world traveler go? A part of her has been dying since the day her Uncle Sunny died. It didn’t help that she lost her grandfather next. This man who raised 5 kids stepped in and became her father figure – Gone!  While it was a few years in between (it seemed like warp speed) when I was told that my Uncle Walter was in hospice and dying. I went everyday after school to make sure he ate, had his favorite sodas, cigarettes, etc. Then before I knew it sitting on my couch in LA watching tv my momma calls and says “baby girl grandma is gone” What do mean gone momma? I believe that is when my world actually shattered a bit and the curtain was torn down.  Then this past October my world just flat out broke/shattered/splintered in all  4 corners. To find her… just blew up every myth about life I ever held true.

Now, I am going into 2018 and I have always spoke life, good health, wealth, joy and happiness over myself, but I look in the mirror and I hardly know this person. I see my momma and grandmother’s face looking back at me (they are both extremely beautiful women), but I have to wonder where is that wide-eyed, modern day wanderer who wrote poetry, whose smile was not a mask, who never questioned her existence or reason for being on this earth.

Then I look at 3 faces that I brought into this world and think maybe you are the reason why I am here,  but I am not just destined to be June Cleaver or am I. I still dream of travelling the world and living in Asia, but when you have a “help mate” that hates to travel, fly, experience life abroad. I want to teach overseas. Here I am going into another year.. Dreams unfulfilled or is that Dreams Deferred? I really don’t know….

You my loyal readers are my outlet to the world…Go into the new year with a hope and prayer for a new you.. #Doyou and Inspire as you go along whatever path you take. If the path your own is no longer the way you want to go then change the path and keep it moving.

As for me I am going find a medium that works for me. Something that makes me happy, be in a place that makes me happy, find peace in myself and my surroundings. I am tired of the noise that never seems to end. Maybe my heartbeat will do a quick step and the migraines will just disappear.  And I will no longer feel like I am squished in a box under that car crusher machine in the junkyard on a daily basis.

ADVICE

See the world. It’s more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.

Ask for no guarantees, ask for no security.

— Ray Bradbury

 

Here’s what I would bring my eye for adventure, appetite for new things, love for people and of course my three beautiful kids. I would also bring along my jewelry case of Chloe and Isabel merchandise and my Younique make up bag because I have to shine and have flawless face everywhere I go just in case I happen to meet my celebrity crush. You know Johnny  Depp, Denzel Washington, Viola Davis, Tamela Mann…but especially Johnny Depp (hint hint wink wink)

I want to see everything and experience everything. I recently met a guy that lives in Germany. But not Germany proper he lives in Kiel on the Baltic Coast. I had to Google this area this area of Germany because I am not familiar with it at all, but once I did I instantly fell in love! It is surrounded by water. He personally lives 300 meters from the water. He told me that the Baltic actually (the pictures confirms it) flows right through the city!!! It is very beautiful from what I can tell from the pictures and how he describes it. He even sent me a aerial shot from Google of his home. While the apartments or houses are very close together it is still beautiful and I would love to live there even it is just for short time.

Here’s what I would leave behind everything negative and that would hinder me enjoying my voyage. I want to travel in peace and have complete and utter joy on my trip. I don’t want anyone or thing take my peace of mind either. Those are 2 things I am not willing to give up on my travels therefore I will leave all negative energy, people, things,etc back here in the states and take off with a wing and prayer.

Now this is totally off topic but as we nearing the end of the month I am being challenged (I am hoping to win to custom purse, wallet and watch AND special Younique make up case) if I can sell 10 or more Flawless Four bundles… You can have flawless face in under 5 minutes who does not love that?  www.youniqueproducts.com/fergaliciouscandi

 

CARRYON

“My dream is to walk around the world. A smallish backpack, all essentials neatly in place. A camera. A notebook. A traveling paint set. A hat. Good shoes. A nice pleated (green?) skirt for the occasional seaside hotel afternoon dance.”

― Maira Kalman

 

What’s your biggest travel dream?

My biggest dream travel is to go to Europe, Asia and Africa. Going to Africa is given because I want to trace my roots from my Grams cousin who was a slave all the way back to the motherland. I to find out what tribe we descend from so that I can pass that knowledge on to my children. I have always believed that if you do not know where you come from you will not know where you are then how will know where you are going? In other words you have to know your past, in order to know your present, so that you can know and determine your future.

Going to Asia is some place that I have dreamed of for sometime because I already love the food, I have love for Korean pop music and dramas. I have done some research on Korea, China, and Japan as places to visit (and perhaps live) for a while. I think having my kids at their young ages experience different cultures, food, educational styles, and people will go along way for them to understand how the world works.

Travelling to Europe would start in Germany and I would travel all over Europe. I would make a special trip to Paris where I would like to linger and enjoy every touristy site I can see. I want taste and see everything in Paris and if I happen to bump into Johnny Depp then my life would have been worth living (outside of my kids)!!! I have followed his career and loved him since he was uncover cop on 21 Jump Street! I am not sure how he does it, but he gets better looking with age and he does not rate in the sexy meter! Why? because he broke the meter LOL!!