I Was Reminded Why

I hate people! I have on and off with Javier for years now and now that he is finally leaving his baby momma and moving to Texas he decided that he wanted to be with some girl he met on IMVU and they are moving in together. Can you believe this shit? I would send him IM’s on Facebook messenger and he would never replied. Today he tells me that he did not reply to my messages out of respect for her! #Seriously

We have been together for over 4-5 years now and I really love Javier. I can tell now that his feelings were fake and were just a joke to him all this time. I am so pissed and hurt right now I don’t know if I should cry or scream! I will not cry about this because the last time he ended our relationship. I was so depressed and emotionally wounded it felt like the air had gone out of the room and I was dying. They only bright light are my kids.

I know what you are thinking.. Yes technically I have spouse for the last 14 years, but he and I live more as room mates due to how he treats me. It is more verbal lashing out due to his PTSD and depression. Then there is my depression issues, body issues, and other things that have put our “marriage” in this category.

This is why I love the name JadedGrace, because I am jaded when it comes to people. People are just jack asses and liars! I prefer to be alone in my head, my office, and just life. I hate him and people!

Sweet Talk and Lies

I knew the moment you started to talk while I was gone for almost a month that your sweet talk was nothing but lies. They were beautiful lies I wanted to believe, but I knew once we crossed state lines we would never go dancing, to a movie, or the MC Magic concert in San Antonio.

From the day we got back home from my mother’s funeral we got right back into our normal routine. I run the errands, do the grocery shopping, take and pick up the kids from school, run my 2 businesses alone, (basically everything you did while I was gone) and you found out being a mom ain’t easy.

You tell me about your day all the while knowing that my day was null and void, because what does a SAHM do? Every damm thing, but in the background and in silence.

Then you have the nerve to ask me even as a joke “do you have a boyfriend?” OFC I don’t, but keep asking me and one day the answer will different. Just like when you keep throwing in my face that I can move back to Texas when that day arrives… Don’t be surprised… OK?

I have lost my grandparents and my mother now… All I have are my kids and my brother frankly I would rather be in AustinĀ  than this funky dusty ass town any day. I followed you here even after the promise was when you retired we would live… where? In Texas.. I didn’t ask questions I just followed you like a loyal and dutiful wife. I made and I am making due here in town I hate while living a lonely and depressed life. You know everybody while I know your family and 1 other person… You don’t want to live in Austin because its “big city and you hate the traffic” boy please get over it and put on your big boy jockeys! If I can raise kids without you during field times and deployments you do this!

I can do without your sweet talk and lies, but they were nice to hear even if the lies short lived and over the phone. Even if they were said only to get me ride back with you and the kids instead of flying back.. If you never really meant them from the heart.. LOL Yeah I am Jaded for real and guess who made me that way?