A New Day



Today I got up and there was actually light instead of darkness in front of me, but that all came crashing down when I took my kids to VBS at our church and was told that my twin boys who are 4 years old could not come to VBS class unless I was going to stay with them cuz the little old ladies could handle 2 boys who have not been in school EVER!!! My kids are great kids and I don’t say that because they are mine, but because it is the true fact. When I was going to VBS as a child the ladies could handle ANY child, and ANY behavior – these old ladies can’t handle crap!

It doesn’t help when one pulled me aside and said “are you going to stay because we CAN”T PADDLE them.” Lay your hand on my child and I am going to lay my fist upside your head and my foot up your ass! You don’t touch my kids that’s my job not yours! My mom used to tell the principal of Griffin Elementary in Tyler, TX when he wanted to paddle my brother or me “THAT IS NOT YOUR JOB – I’M HIS/HER MOTHER AND IT’S MINE TO DISCIPLINE MY CHILD!” I told one woman if you can’t handle pair twin 4-year-old boys who only want play then what is your purpose cuz you don’t know what you’re doing. She was about to fix her lips to say something stupid and thought twice when I looked at her she quickly shut her mouth and I realized that I was just getting madder by being there (and this is CHURCH my CHURCH where I go to PRAISE GOD) and I know now why the pastor says there are WITCHES in the church and I believe that I found one today.

It is so sad that even in the church the DEVIL is present and running loose – its funny I always thought that was the one place the devil should flee and never want to be, but I know now that I am dead wrong. There are days that the darkness are more than I can stand and that it feels like God has given up on me and my situation, but today even through this mess I am feeling blessed and loved.  Somedays, I long for a margarita or martini and nicely hand rolled Cuban cigar a cabana on the beach to look out into the ocean and see beautiful fish, whales, dolphins, smell the fresh air, feel the sand beneath my feet – just be on the beach with a great book and no cares or worries for only a month…I wanna day without a migraine… a day without being lonely despite having a house full of people…a day without noise…. just a day to be at peace with self, God, Earth,etc..

Now What?

011 (2)


Just talked to my doctor and was told they are sending me to a nuerologist for the migraines and to stop taking my meds in the mean time.. Ok what do I do now cuz I have and I can’t take my medicine are you kidding me? Excedrine migraine no longer works on me and I know too much of those can cause liver failure.  As the song “Let It Go” from Disney’s Frozen says “The kingdom of isolation and it looks like I am the Queen”  There are not too many Disney songs that I love and can relate too but this song from the moment I heard spoke to me as did the video. The line “The cold doesn’t bother me anyway” I feel that and I have felt it sometime.. A heart of ice that is so thick that nothing can melt it. The only reason it still beats because I love my family too much to end it all and live in hell with the devil. I’ve tried that several times and each time I woke up and wonder why are you holding here? Now I know…I suffer and live in the isolation of my mind, but children are the sun and rainbows that guide me through the day. The sky may be black and grey, but they are my shining and glimmering light.. Its a small light, but a light none the less.