Dreams

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I used to have dreams very vivid dreams of being raped every night as a young adult I never knew why and I still don’t know why I had the dreams of the faceless man raping me. My dreams would go from me being a successful professional living in a nice house doing very well alone and in the dreams I seem happy then BAM out of no where the faceless man appears and sometimes I am in a dark alley other times IDK where I am – its brutal, it was so real that even now thinking about it I cry. I would wake up screaming and crying and my bed a hot mess cuz I guess I am fighting my attacker. I haven’t had this dream in a while and I don’t know what brought it my forethought now, but I can’t handle the memories, the tears… So welcome to psychoville make yourself at home!

I can’t handle this… I don’t want to handle this… My head is killing and I can’t take my medicine per my doctor… I can’t let my babies see me cry because they will want to know why and they won’t understand and I don’t want them to know that mommy could possibly be crazy and need to be put in a padded room with her arms around her back!! 

Why now….why at all..