Abuse is NEVER Ok

The one thing I have never been able to wrap my mind around is when someone says “he or she left me and I snapped and killed the love of my life.” For me if I do not want to be with you then I am going to say “this is no longer working for me and we need to move on.” If he tells me its over then I am throwing the deuce and walking away and never looking back. I have never understood teens/young adults/ adults who loose their minds over their boy or girlfriend ending the relationship.

I was watching something on ID on Own and the ex-boyfriend basically kidnapped his ex-girlfriend named Tabitha and stabbed her to the point of where she jumped out of her car (that he stole) and was hit head on by a 18 wheeler. The guy then called her step-father numerous times telling him what he did to his daughter. He later called the police and turned himself in. What baffles me is when he told the cop interviewing him “I just wanted to know when did I go from Mr. Amazing and the best thing to enter her life?” He was giving life without parole since he told them what he did and cooperated with the police.

The United Nations says “Domestic abuse, also called “domestic violence” or “intimate partner violence”, can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.” Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, faith or class.

Domestic abuse is typically manifested as a pattern of abusive behavior toward an intimate partner in a dating or family relationship, where the abuser exerts power and control over the victim. Domestic abuse can be mental, physical, economic or sexual in nature. Incidents are rarely isolated, and usually escalate in frequency and severity. Domestic abuse may culminate in serious physical injury or death.

Watching On The Case with Paula Zahn where a 16 year old girl who was home sick was brutally murdered by a boy because she refused to go out with him. In what realm of the does this make since? When I started dating at the age 16 (I never dated guys my age) but that is not the point here. Dating and relationships were never (and start are not) that big of a deal to me. If it is over then it is over period. Make it make since to me where it has to end up with mother burying her daughter and the mentality of a 27 year old man who has a record for savagely abusing his former girlfriends. All because a 16 year old girl named Laurie told him no I do not want to date you? This is a whole grown ass man we are talking about here. Thank goodness DNA for the most part works and worked well in this case. This monster only got 19 years which is less than a life sentence. The mother has forgiven the man that killed her daughter. Forgiveness is not for the offender but for the mother to continue to live her life here on earth. The monster that took Laurie’s 16 year old life only served 13 years of his 19 year sentence upon his release from prison.

According to the United Nations here are somethings you can look for if you or someone you know is being abused.

Does your partner…

  • Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
  • Put down your accomplishments?
  • Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
  • Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance?
  • Tell you that you are nothing without them?
  • Treat you roughly—grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you?
  • Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
  • Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
  • Blame you for how they feel or act?
  • Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for?
  • Make you feel like there is “no way out” of the relationship?
  • Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with friends or family?
  • Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to “teach you a lesson”?

Do you…

  • Sometimes feel scared of how your partner may behave?
  • Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner’s behavior?
  • Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself?
  • Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry?
  • Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want?
  • Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?

If any of these things are happening in your relationship, talk to someone. Without help, the abuse will continue. Making that first call to seek help is a courageous step.

Always remember…

  • NO ONE deserves to be abused. The abuse is not your fault. You are not alone.
  • DON’T worry about threats to your visa. We have information about visa options for your situation.
  • DON’T worry if you do not speak the local language. We can get you help in many Languages.
Power and Control Wheel https://www.un.org/sites/un2.un.org/files/power-and-control-wheel.png

The Power & Control wheel is a particularly helpful tool in understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent behaviors, which are used by an abuser to establish and maintain control over his/her partner or any other victim in the household. Very often, one or more violent incidents may be accompanied by an array of these other types of abuse. They are less easily identified, yet firmly establish a pattern of intimidation and control in the relationship.

(Source: Developed by Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, Duluth, MN, https://www.theduluthmodel.org/)

At the end of the day ladies and gentlemen if you are in and abusive relationship I want you to get out safely and get out alive and seek help from family or one of these agencies below. God loves you and know that there is a woman in Texas that loves and values your life as well.

If you or someone you know is being abused please contact:

National Domestic Violence Hotline – https://www.thehotline.org/

1.800.799.7233 or Text START to 88788

National Center for Victims of Crime 
1-855-4-VICTIM (1-855-484-2846)

Thank you all for reading and comment on my blogs. I love reading your comments.

XOXO,

Jade

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