Do you ever just sit and look at yourself in the mirror? I do not mean to see if your hair is in place or make sure your make up is flawless. I am talking about using the mirror as a looking glass to see the past you and the current her?
I am very true to my Gemini sign and I know that there is me and then there is Jade my twin. My mother once said to me “I love the daughter that I gave birth too, but I hate that bitch comes around” I was around 16 or 17 when she said that to me. I have never thought of myself as a person who has multiple personalities, but I do realize that I am indeed 2 people.
Today’s me is calm, soft spoken, loving mom, sister and friend (whose circle of friends is small), hard working woman….. then there is Jade who protects me when I am pushed to the wall. If you come at me sideways and I can not deal then she comes around and will fight you tooth and nail. That battle may be verbal or physical and Jade could care less if your male or female she will take you down.
I do not like conflict and refuse to argue with fools and that one aspect pisses my spouse off because I will walk away from him (while praying for God to go take care of him) and I can feel Jade wanting to push through to kick his ass. While we both cohabitate in one body, share one mind I could never have a doctor say she has multiple personalities, because I can maintain and control myself and Jade. While those that actually have this diagnosis at some point have no control when their other personalities are going to make an appearance and there are times when they do not even know what the other personality has done.
I am a very introverted person who has no hope in humanity based on everything I see happening around me on a daily basis. My sole escape is writing in my journals, music (my biggest coping mechanism), praying, adult coloring books, watching BTS VLives and videos, watching Korean, Chinese, Thai, Japanese dramas on Viki. I have few Youtubers that I have been following for a few years that I love to watch and a couple that I have only been watching a few months. If you all get a chance to check out Zoie Fenty he does a YT show called Messy Monday (look up GOTDAMN Zo) and he is so funny, Serein Wu if you like makeup reviews, Ji Chang Wook I’m a Slacker, Maanghi she cooks traditional Korean food (street food too), Stove Top Kisses if you want some good Southern recipes (I am a Southern girl whose Grams taught her how to cook), Asian Boss to know the latest news of what is going on all over Asia, D’splay Vlog if you are a fan of Big Bang then you know this Daesung, and you love over the top just fun to chill and watch then check out Patrick Starrr.
As I sip my Thai Tea I truly do not know why I am writing about this, but I guess it is because it something that I am doing and been doing for the last 2 to 3 years. Reflection on myself. What I want out of life? Where do I want to be? Can I walk away from everything? What is happiness? What is true love? What is love period? Is this all that I am destine to be? Destined to do? These are questions that I do have in my mind and yet I have no answers too and I do not know if I will ever know the answers. I just have to trust that God did not bring me this far just to let me float in this dark abyss.
Thank you all that have been reading and following my blog since the start. Thank you to those that just found my blog. I love to read and respond to your comments.
I hope you and yours will have a beautiful night and sweet dreams!!