The Past…Present…Future – With You

I want to start a novel of sorts about two people finding each other and following their hearts, but at times they let your current situation and even their past pain deter them from opening their hearts to anyone.

This is going to be my first and hopefully not my last attempt to write a BL story. I still need to come up the scene, characters, the plot, etc for the story. I am not sure that I want to put it on here or Wattpad. I am thinking of making about university students each in a different faculty (departments) who are in their freshman year and they encounter their Juniors/Seniors of each faculty and this is where the the stars of the story fall in love, but they do not let the other know until close to the end. What do you all think?

As you can tell from my recent posts I really watching romantic movies and dramas. While every BL drama has is own story and certainly its own drama. The scenes play beautifully when I am watching it. Each drama/ love story I get pulled into it and I am either smiling, encouraging the one character to make a move in his crush, or crying. I have to admit that dramas to me are a lot better than American dramas/soap operas. I have to say that I really like Thai BL’s and K-dramas for romance and comedy, but C-dramas are great for historical dramas.

What do you think of this as the title for my BL story? Should it be shorter or named something completely different? I really want your opinion.



Until We Meet Again….

Again, i find myself alone and crying while watching a touching and loving BL called The Year Book. Just to tell you about a small part of it – it is about two friends that truly love each other.. then one moves to Bangkok because in his junior year of high school discovers he has bone cancer in his right arm. He does not talk to his friends for 4 years until he returns to home province and his best friends ( they refer to themselves as B1 and B2). I think it hits home for me because I lost my mom to level 4 breast cancer that spread to her brain. I could not help her and I had to let her gain her wings come this October will be 4 years.

B2 did not want to burden his friends especially B1 and I think that is how my mom felt towards my brother and I in the end. I never thought I would be the one to have to make those calls and make those arrangements for my mother. I do not want my kids or anyone I love (even hate) go this kind of never ending pain. No one should have to live with seeing the one person they love the most the way I found my mother deceased on that day. I can’t cover it up and I can’t run from it. When you have no one to turn to talk about, but God and even then you do not want to burden Him continuously about your grief and sadness, because your mom is in heaven next Him and she is sad that her baby girl can’t move on….

I will say this B1 and B2 are happy in the end, but his brother and his boyfriend I am not sure they make it because of the cliff hanger in the last part of the movie. We Best Love is a C-drama BL and it is completely different from the previous BL I was talking about, but it is funny and sweet despite the drama between the 2 lead characters. I hope this one ends in and truly happy ending for both the leads. Trust me someone needs to be happy and in love, because I am not. Even in my pain and depression I may not be happy, but I still want everyone around me to be happy. I can live through bliss and know that the mask that I wear is something no one can see through. The only one that could see through it is in Heaven now.

It is easy for me to get lost in a story, plot or book because their lives although make believe are so different than mine the light and love I see and even when it makes me cry because it made me think of someone I miss like my mother or my first love. Some how I am still able to smile and make me feel a certain way. I am not talking about BL’s because I want you to watch them, but more so to understand how they make me feel and the happiness they bring me.

Depression is hard to deal with when you have no one to turn to or understand you. You would think being married he would know and understand me, but every conversation turns into a “him thing”. It stops being about me and turns to being about him. I don’t know if he does it on purpose or if he has no clue that he is doing it. But its been 17 years now nothing has changed. Then he gets mad because I do not open up to him. I do not see the point when it will cease to be about me and start to be about him. I would rather just put my feelings here and know that they are out in the atmosphere some where. What do you think? What would you do if you were me? Let me know



How Watching BL Dramas Are Making Me Better

Let me just start by saying this is going to be long probably won’t make sense to most, but that’s ok. This is really for me to put my thoughts into words.

I have been watching BL dramas for sometime now and each new drama puts me on a different roller coaster of emotions. My emotions can range from anger/hate to love. I watched one last night that put me in my feeling. It took back to my days in high school and my first love. I have often prayed to meet him one time to explain about that day that changed my life forever. I won’t go into details here, but I have talked about that day and him on my other blog. In fact I actually cried myself to sleep because of the BL that I was watching.

I truly believe that BL dramas have taught me to be a better parent and to be more open with my kids. I was raised to have an opened mind and to see people for who they are not who I think they should be. Back to my first love we left things in a sad space and for me when that happens it lives with me forever. All that I truly wan to do is tell that person I am sorry and what they saw is not what was going on. Mainly, I just want to say I am sorry. I am sure that I will never get that chance so I will have to live this.

BL dramas are sweeter and better than any soap opera on television because they are more realistic dealing with teens and college age kids, bullies, being misunderstood by peers and family, etc. Please don’t get it twisted I am not here to sell you on watching BL dramas, I am strictly talking about experience and why I like them. I will tell you that I was actually introduced to BL dramas by someone on TikTok. Most of the ones I like are Thai BL dramas.

Currently I am watching Project 7 on YouTube. I can’t stand the 2 boys that bully the cute young transfer student just because he is soft spoken, shy and different. He has someone to stand up for him… until one day on soccer field. It does not help the staff are full of idiots.

Anyways, to the person dated when I was 17 if by God’s grace you see this and you remember the day at the Highland Mall bus stop. Leave me message here.

Until next time…Let me know if you watched Project 7 and if you liked it.