Life Has To Go On

When you lose someone very important to you like your mother it is phrases like this that you grow to hate the most.  There are few others that once my mother died people would say to appease their own discomfort. Trust me I would never wish the loss of a parent or child on anyone. While we have to continue to move and live can we (or I ) do without someone telling me things to appease their guilt.

Someone once told me when I found out my grandmother died (she helped raise me) he told me “people die.” Who the f*ck says that? Then instead of comforting me he goes into talking about the loss of his grandmother while he was in the military.  As if that is going to help me. While I can forgive this I can never forget it. How would this make you feel?

I am the baby of my family and I can remember the day my mother died. I remember she woke up by accident going to the bathroom. I got up to check on her after 10 minutes past and she said she was fine. I dozed off and an hour flew by and she was not out of the bathroom and I opened the door and there she was slumped over the tub. She was making heavy breathing noises so I thought she was just having a hard time getting up. I could not move her and I kept telling her to hold on and I was praying earnestly and fervently for her to be O.K.  I called my only family my big brother (aka Batman) to come help me move her. Since she was on hospice and had a DNR I could not call 911 for help.

Do you know how hard it is for a child to make death notifications to other family members? Never, in my life would I think I would have to make that call, deliver a eulogy, do her make up and put on her jewelry. Most of all I never thought I would have to say good bye to my mother. She raised me to love God, to read, to love music, treat people the way I want to be treated and that education is important.

My mom worked 2 full time jobs and went to college full time to provide for my brother and I. I saw her get mistreated by my grandfather, his friends, her baby sister and life in general. I never knew we were poor because we had food, clothes, and a nice house. I participated in pageants, took piano  and swim lessons as well gymnastics. I have a lived a good life and that is all thanks to my mother.

XOXO,

Jade