Letter to my younger self

Dear Younger Me,

I want you to know that life in your 40’s is full of ups and downs, but you weathered every storm with prayer and meditation. In your late 20’s you will be married to the one that you believe God made for you. Then you will get bitten by the baby bug and you would eventually have 3 beautiful kids and find your place in this world. You will have the opportunity to care for your kids and your mom for 8 years in GA. It is during this time that you are put in the middle of the fighting and feuding between your mother and husband. It is during this time depression hits you hard and the only one to notice is your mother and you are doing your best to hide from the world. Yet, your help mate takes no notice of your sinking into the bleak blackness of despair.

You lose over 100+ pounds after your gastric bypass and your wearing a size 10 skinny jeans and size 0 dresses. What can go wrong? You are moved to the swamp and weighed down by cluster migraines and have no relief. You hit para-menopause and the sex drive (you never had) has completely left, your nerves are on edge, you can’t find work and hate the town you live in. Then it happens…. Your brother calls and tells you that you need to go home and be with momma. The tone in his voice tells you how serious this is and the one that is the father of your kids tells you “people die” with no feeling or sympathy whats so ever.

You get to spend 4 beautiful days with your mom before you find her in her bathroom dead. That picture hunts your every thought and dream. You have no closure and all you want to do is run away from everything, but you don’t because you are the only protector your kids have and if you left what would your mom think and say?

I know that this letter seems gloomy and full of foreboding, but I am here to tell you that there is a glint of light at the end of your tunnel. You stand on faith that all will be well because that is what your God tells you.  So JadedGypsy know this lean not on your own understanding, but wait on the Lord.