Are You Free?

What does it mean to be free? Is being free waking up everyday? Getting to eat what you want? Going into your favorite department store? What the hell is free and being free really mean?

Let me tell you what being free means to me…. Being free is loving who I want the way I want. Being free is able to know and love myself completely. Being free is knowing that as a biracial woman nay an African woman that is pained by all the death I’ve seen in my life. Living in and with depression and migraines are not in line with being free, but it is large part of my life.

How am I not free? I am woman who lives in a Mayberry-ish town and the KKK are out and free to do as they chose. Racist are no longer keeping their hate and rage under wraps they are out calling the police if we take a deep breath on the sidewalk. The news is full of stories like this and it hurts me to the very depth of my core and it scares me raising 3 Black babies what they will do to my kids when they are not in my eye sight.

I am free to heal the brokenness that is me. The question is how do I heal myself and be free? How do I love others when I hardly love myself? Is this co-dependence Ilyana Vanzant? Giving my kids what I did not have as a child I think is the greatest gift I can give them. I have not idea what the world is really like anymore. I depend on him for all things, because I can’t find a job to solely depend on myself,  I learned something that could be the first step in getting free and that is what Ilyana Vanzant said that we are not fight flesh… We are fighting demons and principalities of our thoughts.  Change the way you think you can change your life. Isn’t that what they say?

So I ask again are you free? What does being free really mean?