SOUL-SMASHING

“It’s hard to go. It’s scary and lonely…and half the time you’ll be wondering why the hell you’re in Cincinnati or Austin or North Dakota or Mongolia or wherever your melodious little finger-plucking heinie takes you.

There will be boondoggles and discombobulated days, freaked-out nights and metaphorical flat tires.

But it will be soul-smashingly beautiful… It will open up your life.”

― Cheryl Strayed

I wished I were anywhere but here actually simply because there are no jobs here and my family and friends are not here. Granted, my family is dysfunctional, but we are close and loving group of people.

All I have left is my mother and brother (and his kids), my cousin and aunt. I am no one granddaughter anymore and both of my uncles are gone. One of my aunts is just estranged from us from us for her own reasons.

I am from Austin, Tx, and I am Texas born and breed gal so living in a small town like Pineville is a frankly kinda creepy and really boring. When a big city girl and your marry a small town boy this is what happens.

I hate it here and there is nothing that I want more than to more to the big city, but Doc hates the city and would not move from here to save his life or the life of his kids. Whenever, he has to drive through a big city he complains about the size, the traffic, just everything..

Everything he hates about big cities I love the noise, the traffic, the size, diversity, soul, food everything that is missing in small town swamps. Granted I grew up in Tyler, TX and it was a small town that had a big city feel to this little girl. I can never live there again due to my house is gone on North Grand Ave..It was sold shortly after my grandfather died… Plus, I seriously doubt that anyone that I grew up with would still be living there LOL.

Oh to be back in Texas anywhere in that great state living, learning, working, loving with my family… It is not like we hang out with his family on a daily, weekly, monthly basis.. I love them deeply however, upon retirement the agreement was to move to Texas may not of been Austin, but Texas none the less…

Yet, I am here….

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