TRAILS

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where

there is no path and leave a trail.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Familiar paths in my life have been all but destroyed over they years. It does not matter how I have tried to rebuild my dreams be like the Phoenix and rise from the ashes.

Does not matter when the one that God gives you to share your dreams, kids, and life with is the one that trashes your dreams without knowing he is doing it with every single word and action. Every slip of his lip he just gets me to add brick to my wall that already higher than Great Wall of China.

Let me give you a prime example ~ I have 3 classes to finish my Masters in Education and I asked to use his GI Bill numerous times and each time he told me no, because he wanted to go back to school. although, at this time he was still Active Duty Army and did not have the time. Recently, I asked him again and he said he would check into it. Do you think he has done it? No, he has not checked into in fact he has not even thought about it. How do I know you ask? Because, when it comes to me using his GI Bill to he has never wanted to let me use it.

When I became an entrepreneur and all the excitement I had to start my own business (Chloe+Isabel) and that excitement drained very fast around him. He does not help promote, sell or motivate me or my business any way. Does not help that after he retired from the Army he moved us to Swampville, USA where he knows everyone and I know no one (except my in laws).  Talk about separation anxiety and on set of depression baby you have no idea how it feel to be somewhere that has no jobs (I applied at WalMart, Walgreens, CVS, Verizon, etc and could not get work)  yet he says there are jobs here… I am screaming WHERE???? Then I when I added Younique to my repertoire talk about hearing crickets LOL the only people that where excited in this house were my daughter and I.

On a daily basis I take my kids to school, pick them up, run errands, wash dishes, do online parties, place online content, do the occasional vendor event, help the kids with homework, cook dinner (If I am up to it), teaching bible school, then I come home. I have no life here no friends (outside of Wendy). Then he gets mad when I states the fact and truth that if we lived in a bigger city I would have a great career and both my “side hustles” would making money hand over fist!  Now you may be asking then why not just move ~ his answer is “I hate big cities!” or “You can pack your shit and get your truck and go whenever you want too.” He knows full well that when I do go I am taking my kids with me and that does not phase him at all.

It’s only gotten worse because he just does not care how he talks to me in public. Frankly, I don’t care either because I give it back to him or I walk away.  Part of can’t stand him yet most of me still loves him.. Don’t ask me why… cuz I can’t give you an answer!