The Other Side

My life is not easy being a wife of a soldier who is retired after 22.5 years dedicated service to this country who has come home after seeing who knows what. After doing who knows what. I have and continue deal with night terrors and everything. I am happy that he has sought help at the local VA for his PTSD and I think he is bipolar. I deal with the yelling, the accusations, the cursing, the mood changes, etc in stride because I have my faith and my God to hold on too.  Recently, I found out I have a long time friend that is going through the exact thing I am through with her husband who has PTSD.

When your spouse (Active or retired soldier) has been deployed multiple times and they come back changed and at first they do not see it, but you do. I got very depressed after the 3rd deployment and he came home I could hardly get out bed and when I did it robotic – I just went through the motions of life. It was my momma who staying with us in GA that kept saying there is something wrong with my baby girl. She kept begging me to go see a dr if not for me then for my kids because I had no life in my eyes and no color LOL and for a bi-racial woman to have no color something is wrong. I waited for a long while before making that call hoping it would just go away on its on. I prayed well sorta and I cried  A LOT. I barely ate, but I cooked and baked a lot sweets! Nothing I was doing I was doing was healthy in any way for me or my kids. I was doing everything HE was doing KEEPING IT IN!! And it was literally KILLING ME!

So, I made the call to the Military One Source to find a doctor to talk to about my feelings of helplessness and my depression. I had taken off my wedding rings and placed them on the dresser in our room. I slept upstairs and he slept on the sofa downstairs.  Talking to someone felt good and then when I started this blog it felt even better.

Being the wife of someone with PTSD and who maybe bipolar is hard and very lonely; however; it is good to have a friend that knows what you are going through. I am forever grateful for her and I blessed to have her in my life we met on post in GA  both had pugs as pets  and have been friends every since!

xo

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