Lost not yet found

Today is my gram’s birthday and she passed away March 2014. I reached for my cell phone to call her and realized that I can no longer physically call her on the phone.  I was just heating up some left overs when a wave of tears over came me and my husband never even noticed he just continued his tyraid about the kids not listening having to drive 700 miles round-trip to take his 13 yr old daughter (who I love dearly) back to Texas. Today has been rough on me and I didn’t think it would be for some reason. I love my gram’s more than anything in this world and at sometimes she was more of a mother to me than my own mother who I love deeply. Grams was 96 when God took her home and I wasn’t ready then and I’m still not ready to process her death now.  Part of me died with her in March 2014 just as part me died when my Uncle Sunny passed when I was child.  Noone can fill those spots.  Those giant ass holes in my spirit and heart.  Sad to say not even my husband or kids whom I love more than I love myself can fill those voids in my life. 

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