Today

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This is me today.. I sit in a dark room with dark sun glasses on typing this out… why you ask? When my wonderful yet loud kids awoke me at 9 am bouncing on my bed I had a horrid, head splitting, vise grip holding migraine.. I rushed to my office and took my new meds and then about 2 hours or so later took another pill (I can take up to 4 in one day) another 2 or 3 hours pass I take another pill (different Rx) another 2 hours pass I take 2 excedrine migraine and guess what at 5:08 pm (exact time it is now) my head still is in that same damm vice grip.. I have not washed dishes, or done anything except showered in the dark and fed, kissed and hugged my kids. I have put my head down on my desk with a towel over my eyes to block out what little light is coming in my office. My stomach is hurting all that I have eaten was breakfast sausage before giving it to my son to eat and a bag of chips and now I am eating tums as well. So go figure…. right?

On top of all of this the man that I love and the father of my kids, texts me and says that he didnt mean to call me a failure last night but he needs me to do more to turn him on to have sex. I told him have you not been listening to me – 1. I don’t like my body 2. I can’t shake this depression and it seems to be getting worse 3. If I don’t like who I am how in the hell do you think I am suppose to want to turn you on to f*ck or make love? 4. Yes you say I am sexy and beautiful and I thank you, but if I don’t feel it or see it then there is nothing  except try to fake it and right now I am really no good at that. 5. Today’s migraine on a scale of 1 to 10 is off the charts and NOTHING is helping especially this conversation.. I sit in my office crying from the pain and who knows what else… I express myself through pictures more than words when talkin to him and others because they can convey what I can not at times.

Today sucks ass and its not getting better…It sucks to be me

 

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