Dreams

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I used to have dreams very vivid dreams of being raped every night as a young adult I never knew why and I still don’t know why I had the dreams of the faceless man raping me. My dreams would go from me being a successful professional living in a nice house doing very well alone and in the dreams I seem happy then BAM out of no where the faceless man appears and sometimes I am in a dark alley other times IDK where I am – its brutal, it was so real that even now thinking about it I cry. I would wake up screaming and crying and my bed a hot mess cuz I guess I am fighting my attacker. I haven’t had this dream in a while and I don’t know what brought it my forethought now, but I can’t handle the memories, the tears… So welcome to psychoville make yourself at home!

I can’t handle this… I don’t want to handle this… My head is killing and I can’t take my medicine per my doctor… I can’t let my babies see me cry because they will want to know why and they won’t understand and I don’t want them to know that mommy could possibly be crazy and need to be put in a padded room with her arms around her back!! 

Why now….why at all..

 

 

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “Dreams

  1. Aww, babe LISTEN.
    I know how it feels like, life ain’t fair always – same is the case with dreams. I ALSO get plenty of nightmares, and yes, they feel very real. But do you know what? Dreams come from our subconscious. Our everyday’s thoughts and experiences (negative or positive) both are responsible for giving us nightmares or good dreams!
    I suggest, you have a proper check-up with a great mental health professional, and trust me, ACT upon his advice. Take the prescription pills and medicines as prescribed to you by the doctor. DO NOT ever overdose or underdose them..
    Anyhow, if you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here for help. You can email me. Plus, PLEASE be positive – I know it’s hard and all that, but it is not IMPOSSIBLE! My mother had been a depression patient for 4 years continuous, and after 4 years of taking medications; she got out normal in 2013 April. But recently, since April 2014, she has relapsed back into it. She’s been to her very same psychiatrist again more than 2 times (after 2 week intervals) every month, and we’re trying our level best to provide her a tension-free and carefree environment at our home. 😦
    At times, I miss her old ‘positive’, ‘cheerful’ and ‘excited’ self.. She was normal last year, but only for 1 year. 😦 I haven’t forgotten her past 4 years of illness, but she has relapsed again into this abyss. I am with you, I have my all sympathies with you, my dear Unknown friend. Writing is positive, is therapeutic. I am glad at the fact that you write, and express your inner feelings and conflicts with your inner (mind). YOU ARE NOT CRAZY! 🙂

    1. Dear Friend,
      Thank you for your reply and having an understanding of what I am going through. A lot has happened to me since I wrote this post. I guess if you have been keeping up with me on my blog then you know what has been happening to me and with me. I have lost my mother to cancer and I am still trying to cope with that especially since I have her ashes on my desk. Thank you for reading my blog and your kind words.

  2. Thank you for your kind words my dear unknown amiga however the me that I used to be and the me that I am today are 2 different people and until I can sort this out and find out why this happening then I am stuck in nutral (I do see a dr and I do take migraine meds). I don’t have the luxury to check myself into a hospital as I have 3 babies that need their mother and all they know is momma is always here and she always will be. I feel like I am crazy especially today, but i will step out on faith that tomorrow will be different some how. I have not had those dreams recently I was watching an episode of Law and Order:SVU as I do everyday, but today for some reason it brought back these dreams from more than 11 years ago and I broke down crying. Again, thank you for your kind words. 😀

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